I’m also cliquey, a little stuck up, too quick to judge and have been told I’m a little unapproachable. I will be guilty of not remembering your name or face until I’ve met you 3 times, not because my memory sucks (although it does) but because I don’t bother trying. Unfortunately, that is the entire culture of Vancouverites as we are seen looking from the outside in.

For those of us lucky enough to be immersed into this environment at an early age, we gain and build solid friendships with those like us. For those who have moved into Vancouver from other cities, even ones in the vicinity like Abbotsford or Victoria, it becomes an almost impossible task to build that foundation of friends, especially if you’re starting fresh with no introductions or ties into any groups. And that’s just with the same sex. It’s even harder with the opposite.

All together, yet seperated.

When you look at trying to meet Vancouver women, I find mostly that one of the first things that they’ll ponder is “who do you know.” It’s almost a social status contest, where if you don’t know anybody in this town, it’s like you’re nobody. And if you’re somebody, they’ll date you for just who you are known as, without really caring much or putting much weight on who you actually are. You’ll only meet them if you’re a friend of a friend. Vancouver girls are especially guilty of this in my experience. I have a lot of single girl friends, older (between the ages of 26 and 30) most successful, beautiful, driven and ambitious, knows what they want and aren’t afraid to go get it. But they’re all single. It’s not that they can’t meet guys, they have plenty of suitors knocking on their doors, but then after a little while, all the guys start running, scared. These girls are intimidating. They know their worth and they portray that persona, or even worse, they think they’re something that they’re not and try to portray a false persona. As one of them said to me one time, “I can do everything myself. I pay my own rent, I bought my own BMW, and I work my ass off for everything that I have. I don’t need a man, I just want one.” Now, guys, what do you do when you meet a girl like this? You run. It’s great that you’re independent, and it’s amazing that you are driven and a go-getter. Girl power all the way, woo. The one important piece that you’re forgetting is that Men NEED to be Men. (Ok SOME men do. There will always be the standard deviation.) We like to be needed sometimes, we like it that sometimes, you’re helpless and call us to save you. Let us be the Knight we’ve all grown up hearing about. We like to play that role that we were born to play, so when you start messing around with the dynamics, we get lost and we run. We do this because you will continually remind us that we are not needed, because we see that you will flaunt your independence and self-sustainability in front of our faces. I’m in no means saying to be wholly dependent either, but I know a few girls who completely over-do it. We know that you will continually judge us, talk about us to your girlfriends and complain how there’s no ‘good guys in town’. We know that if there’s a problem, your first reaction will be to fight back and argue to gain your ego as opposed to looking inwards to see what the problem really is. Chivalry isn’t dead, he just high tailed and left because you flaunt your disdain for him.

When a new guy approaches you, your first reaction will be “I not talking to him. He can’t pick me up. I’m not that easy. What a creep. I can’t believe he even had the audacity to say hi to me.” As opposed to “seems like a normal guy, let’s just chat with him to see what kind of person he is.” Most of the time, I talk to random strangers just to incite some sort of human interaction, whether it’s a girl or guy, old or young, I have no interest in dating you, I just want to pass my life on earth interacting with interesting people when I’m out. But Vancouverites seem to think that every interaction is a door to something that they want no part of, even before they know what’s behind that door. My friends just told me a story, that her and her girl friends go out all the time for drinks, dressed to the 9’s. New outfit, new shoes, hair did and all. Then she tells me they go to a lounge in yaletown and just bitch about how there’s no guys around. I asked her “was it all girls in the lounge?” she said “no, but all the guys there look weird so we didn’t bother.” That’s a common response, a common Vancouver answer. Girls if you want to find a decent guy, you’ll need to strike out a few times. Some WILL be weird. I apologize on behalf of the male sex that not many of us are normal, actually, none of us are. But none of you are either, so we’re fair on that one. Not everyone’s for you, but you’ll never know until you step up to bat.

I visited Toronto a few years back, and I was shocked at the difference in culture on the East coast. I was at a club with 3 of my girl friends and we were standing by the bar, bobbing our heads and enjoying the music. They were flanking me, on either side. In Vancouver, you can bet no one would come talk to me, especially other girls. I mean, which Vancouver girl would walk up to one guy with 3 girls? None. But in Toronto, I was approached by multiple people, guys and girls, who had no other ulterior motive than to chat with me, learn about where I was from (apparently I ‘stood and dressed like an out-of-towner’…it was probably my snobby Vancouver attitude.) and just to know another human being. It didn’t matter if I looked weird, and it didn’t matter if they were 5’s or 9’s. It was infinitely refreshing and I’ve tried to bring that attitude back home to Vancouver. The girls weren’t trying to hook up with me and none of the guys were staring me down. It was just a friendly, open and inviting conversation. One of the girls who came up to me eventually pulled her boyfriend over to meet me, and after a conversation around the Canucks and the Leafs, he bought us a round of shots. I was shocked! That’s what being a Canadian is all about, but in Vancouver, we’ve somehow forgotten that Northern hospitality that we’re so greatly known for around the world. I can say that I’ve had similar experiences in Chicago, Los Angeles, Sydney, Hong Kong and Hawaii and I’d love to see it here at home.

Change has to start somewhere. This is a cultural issue that every Vancouverite is aware of, but yet nobody does anything about. Start the change today. Make a point to talk to a random stranger, young or old, man or woman, if even something as short as saying hello on the skytrain, and maybe in time, we can make a shift in how we interact with each other in this cold, rainy, dark city. We’re alone and locked inside for the majority of the year but wouldn’t it be nice if when we were all together in a social place, that we are actually social? At best, you’ll gain great new friends like I have with my buddys from Abbotsford and Victoria. At worst, you’ll get a weird look. Screw those people anyways. What have you got to lose. Let’s start not sucking.

I’d met some intruiging people in 2011. Some who’d showed me amazing things I’d never knew existed, who let me into their lives and  shared with me their experiences. An unknown quotist once quoted ‘Some people enter our lives and leave almost instantly. Others stay and forge such an impression in our heart and soul, that we are forever changed.’ This year had both kinds of people and I’m grateful for all of them. There were some friends who I’d gotten closer with this year, and others who had distanced. Some who moved back home for good, some to just visit. How, exactly, I have been forever changed is still unknown. I’m old enough to know that nothing is ever finite, that what is today, might not be tomorrow. I’m also old enough to know that who I am today, makes me into who I will be tomorrow, that if you want change, it has to come from within. It’s always a choice. I’m thankful that I’m also young enough to not have experienced everything yet, that theres so much more to look forward to.. or not look forward to. Good with the bad, right?

Professionally, I’ve almost taken the entire year off. Not to say I haven’t worked hard, just not as hard and focused as I know I’m capable of. Truth be told, I’m suffering from the worst ailment that can strike a professional. Contentment. What I should do vs. What I want to do. If we never want to be more than who we are exactly today, exactly right now, do nothing. Learn nothing, read nothing, challenge nothing. Ouch, that was what I did in 2011.

I’m not sure what kind of year I’ll have in 2012, just as I’m sure you have no idea about yours. I’m excited for it though, and I’ll take the bad with the good. I’ll take thepeople, the lessons and experiences and whatever else comes my way. It’s what makes it worth living.

“Life is simple and life is not. Life is simply what we make of it ourselves.”

Happy New Years Everyone!

A Synopsis I didn’t write:

In the ruins of a place once known as North America lies the nation of Panem, a shining Capitol surrounded by twelve outlying districts. The Capitol is harsh and cruel and keeps the other districts in line by forcing them to participate in the annual Hunger Games, a fight-to-the-death on live TV.

One boy and one girl between the ages of twelve and sixteen are selected by lottery to play. The winner brings riches and favor to his or her district. But that is nothing compared to what the Capitol wins: one more year of fearful compliance with its rule. Sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives alone with her mother and younger sister, regards it as a death sentence when she is forced to represent her impoverished district in the Games.

But Katniss has been close to dead before — and survival, for her, is second nature. Without really meaning to, she becomes a contender. But if she is to win, she will have to start making choices that weigh survival against humanity and life.

Acclaimed writer Suzanne Collins, author of the New York Times bestselling Underland Chronicles, delivers equal parts suspense and philosophy, adventure and romance, in this stunning novel set in a future with unsettling parallels to our present.

My 2 cents:

The best part is that the movie is coming out in March. The story is current and entertaining and mixes reality tv and a fight for literal survival. Literally. You think the contestants on Survivor has it bad? These kids have to kill each other in a huge arena for the entertainment of the viewers, constantly battling thirst, hunger, fire, wild animals, and 23 other teens for survival. They make friends and lose friends and had one of the most enthralling plots of any book I’d ever read. It drives the story in a simple forward moving arc but the environment and futuristic post-apocalyptical world created by Suzanne Collins is impressive. I particularily liked how she switched from the glamourous world of Panem to the brutality and violence in the Games. It makes you realize that if humainty continues to move forward with so much war, fighting, entertainment, games and the constant need for more more more, our rambling attention defecit disordered society might one day come full circle back to the Gladiator era with death as entertainment and be numb to the morality of it all.

My 10 thumb rating: 8.5/10

Another thing I’m going to make a habit again is reading. I’ve taken a year long hiatus from words, and I tell ya, it feels good to pick up a book again. I had to start light; couldn’t jump right into Tolstoy, so I picked a fiction. I knew if I started with something inspirational-ly or improvement like, I’d read up to chapter 3 and it’d sit there, collecting dust while I mashed away at Skyrim. I needed something that I couldn’t put down and was excited to read whenever I had spare 5-10 minutes, so I picked up The Hangman’s Daughter.

I was at Chapters last week looking for a Christmas present for my sister, Allie. She’s an english lit masters and a teacher and has always recommended great fictions to me. I’ve yet to find her a good book she hasn’t read yet, but I keep trying. I was walking by an aisle and the cover of the book drew me to it. Just a simple dark cover, with red shoes hanging. I think it was the font of the title that snared me, so I bought it for her. Covers DO sell books. (I hope she isn’t one of the 2 other people who read my blog. If so… Merry Christmas Bowl! You’re getting a book! Woo!)

…and yes, I read it before I wrapped it. I leafed through it super-extra-careful…and never brought it into the bathroom with me. Maybe twice.

A Synopsis I did not write

The Hangman’s Daughter by Oliver Putzch ”A historical thriller set in Germany, 1660: When a dying boy is pulled from the river with a mark crudely tattooed on his shoulder, hangman Jakob Kuisl is called upon to investigate whether witchcraft is at play in his small Bavarian town. Whispers and dark memories of witch trials and the women burned at the stake just seventy years earlier still haunt the streets of Schongau. When more children disappear and an orphan boy is found dead—marked by the same tattoo—the mounting hysteria threatens to erupt into chaos.
Before the unrest forces him to torture and execute the very woman who aided in the birth of his children, Jakob must unravel the truth. With the help of his clever daughter, Magdelena, and Simon, the university-educated son of the town’s physician, Jakob discovers that a devil is indeed loose in [his town]. But it may be too late to prevent bloodshed.”

My 2 cents

I liked it. A who-dun-it murder mystery set in old true history. It showed me a whole new world. A new fantastic point of view… Usually everybody watches movies about medieval kings and gods (300, Immortals, LOTR) yes, ok well, usually I watch movies about medieval kings and gods, but this story was told from the POV of dirt, suffering and dying from things we new world folk take for granted. In an era where people died from the flu, mothers regularily died from childbirth and most children don’t survive past 3 years old becuase of the plague, malnourishment… a simple infected cut. It’s crazy, to think people lived like that. (That some still do.) Easy read and great story. I couldn’t put it down and I was glad the cover font was so cool. Worth the easy read and great after a 1 year absence.

My 10 thumb rating: 6.72/10

 This past year though, one Canadian politician managed to make me listen to what he had to say with his charm and charisma (that’s what I tell people), but mainly because his goodness and care for Canadians showed through his words and his actions. He genuinely cared for his country and it’s a shame that cancer had to take him at such a pinnacle stage of his life and for all the Canadians that he would have positively affected in the years to come. I guess with this story, there was a good guy and a bad guy too.

While his actions are no longer with us, his words we can still learn from. This was from an excerpt from Layton’s last letter to Canadians:

             ~And finally, to all Canadians: Canada is a great country, one of the hopes of the world. We can be a better one – a country of greater equality, justice and opportunity. We can build a prosperous economy and a society that shares its benefits more fairly. We can look after our seniors. We can offer better futures for our children. We can do our part to save the worlds environment. We can restore our good name in the world….

..Consider the alternatives; and consider that we can be a better, fairer, more equal country by working together. Don’t let them tell you it can’t be done. My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

- Jack Layton 1950-2011

Inside each and every single one of us, there is the ability to lead.

Whether we affect only ourselves, a small village or an entire nation, the leader within us yearns to be free and be heard. The idea behind a leader, is one who has an idea or goal and is able to rally people behind their vision and have everyone working towards that common interest. Whether you’re the General of an army or the General Manager of a store, you talk and people listen. I hear from my work colleagues or hockey teammates “Oh I’m not a leader, I couldn’t manage anybody.” But yet I see these same people speaking up in meetings with new ideas, making suggestions and plans, or playing their ass off on the ice while everyone is just cruising. Unbeknownst to them, they are leading by example and I don’t know about you, but I’ve always worked harder for a hard working boss than a lazy one.

There are 3 types of leaders in this world.

Pushers, Pullers and Pointers.

The Pusher sees the end goal and directs people towards it, giving just enough directions to get to the next step. This type of leader gets things done but morale of his subordinates is often low as they’re seen as tools to accomplish a feat. The Puller convinces her people along the way, coaxing them into doing the job although often very nearly does the whole job herself. The Pointer knows what his team needs to accomplish and simply points the way to the finish line, helping those who ask for it along the way. While there can be a never ending debate on which is the best, in my opinion, you need to have parts of all 3 to become a great and effective leader. All of us individuals have different buttons that make us our best and it’s up to our leaders to effectively find out what those buttons are. Unfortunately, life isn’t all like Staples with just one big easy button.  

If you look within your own group of friends, you’ll find this trait too. You’ll have pushers, pullers and pointers. Everybody has those traits while few bring them out as true leadership. We are all leaders of something, whether it be small like your family, or large like a country, we all have the ability to lead, even if it’s for only a moment. Look at all the times when your friends say “I need help with this, can you help?” or when your colleagues ask “how do you do that so well?” or when a decision needs to be made and you made it. We all look to others to help us in our times of need, meaning we look for direction and leadership, but many times, our peers approach us in their time of need. You may not have realized it at the time, but you were a leader and you were able to make a difference even though maybe it was just to help a new hire find the bathroom. Like the climber Greg Mortenson, who didn’t set out to become a leader, through our actions and integrity towards other people we all have the ability to lead and influence others to make a difference in our daily lives.

Greg Mortenson surrounded by Pakistani children for whom he built the school for

I saw this video a while ago on leadership from a crazy dancing guy. It’s worth the watch. (Click link)

(LOL)

The truth is, that Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder. You hear all the time, that are 2 sides to every story, but really, there are 3. Your truth, My truth, and the real Truth.

When I was younger, I’d try hard to change the minds of people around me to My Truth because that was what I believed to be true, and if I was right, then you were wrong and that was that. Through my bullishness and constant barrage of ‘facts’ or ‘hear-says’, I would eventually convince my counterpart to concede. Wow, how stubborn I was, because even though they conceded to my ideals or thoughts, they didn’t truly believe or respect My Truth so nothing was gained. We see this everyday from the small and insignificant (what flavor a jellybean really is) to world issues (North Korea, Afghanistan, Vietnam, USA, USSR and every other war that has happened…in ALL of time). The issue is when one side has created a truth in their minds which they believe to be true and are too stubborn to see any other truth. I’m sure Kim Jong Il is a great conversationalist until you disagree on something.  (Maybe he’s ronery) What I’ve learned is that there is actually only One Truth. What used to be My Truth and your truth is simply just my opinion and your opinion with Truth skittering on edge.

With opinion, people go on to lay thick the eloquence on their convictions and beliefs on everything from politics to morality…and usually, they are very adamant about those views, saying them like they are actually the truth, not just “for me,” but truth, period.  Can you really blame a person though? The natural and first instinct of any living creature is self preservation whether it be life or pride, happiness or ego. If ones truth (opinion) threatens your happiness or your life, you will do all you can to fight against it, deny it and create your own story, gain followers and make that your truth to save yourself. How wars are started. (Even Star Wars)

Your best friend or your worst enemy won’t stand a chance against ‘The Truth’ that you believe.

Sadly this is the same with rumors, which are simply the skewed opinions and ‘truths’ that stemmed from people in between you and I. Like the whisper game, did I really sleep with a portly princess last night or was what I said somehow transformed before it got to your ear?

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that changing minds about truths and opinions does nothing. A person might not share the same Truth as you, but you still see it as your Truth so the least they can do is try to understand why you see it that way. Who knows, you might be right, you might be wrong, but in the end, we are the only ones that can change our mind of what we believe.

Lack of empathy is at the core of the problem. I was struck with what we are all up against while watching a Star Trek (Yes I’m a Trekkie) episode. Spock had volunteered to be possessed by an alien presence so that it could communicate with Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise.

As soon as it entered Spock’s body, its first reaction was, “Oh, how lonely you must all feel.”

You see, in the alien world, they were all connected to each other through telepathy so that each one could feel what everyone else felt. They were all emotionally bonded to each other. But as soon as the alien possessed Spock’s body, it realized that we humans are all cut off from each other emotionally. And it viewed our state as incredibly isolated and lonely.

One of the most important consequences of our emotional isolation is that we cannot feel the way we affect others. And that creates the temptation to hurt others because in doing so we don’t feel the pain we cause. If we were connected emotionally to others as the aliens were, we would be far less tempted to do anything thoughtless, gaining at someone else’s expense. That’s because in so doing, we would be hurting ourselves as well.

Lack of empathy helps makes thoughtlessness possible. Since we don’t feel what other’s feel, we tend to down play the negative effects we have on others, and consider our thoughtlessness to be benign. We forget that even the smallest negative word or tone can amplify itself when directed to someone who has placed their whole trust in us. An angry outburst is regarded by some as a creative expression, that “I’m not holding any emotions back even if it means hurting yours and you should appreciate that.” Disrespect is viewed as helping our partner gain proper perspective on “how things should be, not how you are, because how you are is wrong.” And a demand is nothing more than encouraging someone to do what he or she should have done all along. None of these is seen as one person gaining at the other’s expense, because the one who is inflicting the pain does not feel the pain. But one thing is for sure, that when lack of empathy and understanding of the other persons position or thoughts are missing, resentment starts to build. More times than not, people don’t realize this and if they only did, it would all be avoided but only if they chose to take that path. The key really then, is to seek to understand and be understood. Acceptance will come.

A lot of people, myself included, often make the mistake of waiting for the next chapter to begin, or waiting til this one is over. One of my friends knew he was going to get laid off a while back, perhaps even a year ago, that his position was going to become obsolete. Now he’s 2 months away and he’s still waiting for the axe to drop. His response? “I’ll figure it out.” I’m sure he will, but in the meantime he’s letting external factors control his life. Stop waiting and go do something. Change will happen whether you do something or not, but if you’re proactive, you can at least control the cange instead of being a victim of change. Think about all the different chapters in your lives. When you were in school. When you were dating your first boyfriend/girlfriend. When you were playing in the backyard as a child. Even last year, when you were single and now you’re not. When did you first notice that things weren’t the way they were? This will continue throughout your life until you die. I’ve been saying WTF at every turn of realization…

WTF…I actually graduated?! What happened in the past 4 years?! WTF…I’m doing this as a career?! I thought it’d be something else. WTF…I’m in a relationship?! How’d that happen, we were just hanging out everyday. WTF…I’m 30, single and no kids?! I thought I’d be 2 wives in and 5 kids by now. WTF…I have 3 kids?! I remember getting a dog, how did I end up with a family?!? WTF…I’m retiring? Wow, never thought this day would come. WTF…life is over?! what happened? Where did time go?

All those things you’re waiting for to happen probably won’t ever turn out as you thought. Tolle says “This too, shall pass.” that this moment, no matter how perfect or imperfect it is, won’t last. Don’t wait for the next chapter to start or end, because it’ll come and you won’t even know it, because it’ll come in a fashion that is completely different than what you’d expected. And why should it happen the way you want, when you’ve done nothing to help it along that path? Write your next chapter yourself, MAKE the start you want to see, MAKE the end you want to happen and be the author of your own life.

I wish I could tell you that I travelled to the Bahamas and sipped on coconut juice while lounging on a hammock by the crystal blue and green ocean this past month. But I can’t, cuz I didn’t. I’ve eaten out alot this past month…is that worth mentioning? I love trying new restaurants; the ambiance, the food and service of somewhere new almost makes it like a mini-vacation in your own city as you’re experiencing something new. Other than eat out alot I havn’t really done much summery stuff. Alas, what I have to report as my reason of non-posting blog neglectance is that…*drum roll*… I’ve been working alot.

YAY…

Sad really, summers almost over and I havn’t done half of the things I wanted to do. But work hard and play hard I guess! (I’m just kidding…I don’t work or play hard…)

Enjoy the rest of your summer!