Ok a little disclaimer to all my nammer friends! Don’t come chop me because of what I’m about to say. You probably know it’s true too in the back of your mind. Even though I’m talking about your mom, I mean it in the most respectful manner. And it’s not your specific mom I’m talking about, I’m just generalizing. So yes, don’t kill me. (I’m moving anyways, so you don’t where I live anymore. HA!) No just kidding. I’m not taunting. Don’t kill me.
Number 6: Done Out Nammer Moms
I went out to Cactus this weekend and at the next table sat a Vietnamese mom and her 3 daughters. I’m a big fan of nammer girls as my buddys will tell you, something about the ‘I’ll kill you if you ever piss me off’ attitude mixed in with the ‘I’ll take care of you and make sure you’re happy’ combo. The complete killer psycho bitch and the caring motherly sweetheart, all mixed into one bowl of pho and spring roll combo. I don’t know, something about the attitude that gets me. But what I don’t get is the way they dress when they’re 50+ years old. Just like a 50+ year old man who wears his pants around his knees and a backwards baseball cap and leather jacket (*cough* Hoff), please dress appropriate to your age. No one wants to see your fake ricebowl implants surrounded by wrinkly skin and makeup painted on your face so heavily that in the morning you leave that face on your pillow. The mom at Cactus was more done out than all 3 of her teenage daughters! I love the bleached blonde hair too! Keep that up and by the time you’re 55, you’ll have to buy wigs cuz it’s all been peroxide’d dead clean. The most F’d up thing was one time I was at a club with my buddy one time and he was like “Hey my aunt is here, lets go drink with her.” I was thinking, maybe his young cousin’s mom who was in her early 20’s. But no, she was probably like 60 and decked out in skin tight Marciano tank, R&R skinny jeans and 5 inch stilettos. While my friend says it’s a hot look here, I think she meant for girls in their 20’s. I don’t know about you, but I’m traumatized enough when I run into my baby sister at the clubs. I’d probably hari kari myself if I saw my mom.
(Yes I know the picture isn’t of a Nammer Mom but hey, the shirt rocks)
When I was a kid, I didn’t fully learn English until I was in Grade 3. I was in ESL for the first few years of school because my parents didn’t speak English at home and no one was able to teach me so I didn’t talk much. Because of this I listened alot, observed everything. I’m a pretty good listener today so alot of my friends come and tell me things. They get someone to talk to and I get to learn from everyones experiences, so it’s a pretty good trade off.
Today was a pretty chill Sunday. I ran around like a crazy, high-strung crack head yesterday trying to get everything done and was late for all of my appointments so to be able to slow it down today was a good change. (I was ready to crack yesterday.) A sunny patio lunch at Granville Island with my friend turned into another learning experience. We’re always looking for the right person, the one that makes us laugh, listens to us (actually listens instead of just asking and responding by changing the topic), tries the things that we like to do, and so on. But while we’re always focused inwards on what we want, what about focusing outwards? How many of the qualities that we look for in the other person are we actually lacking ourselves? Imagine you were the other person and both of you were looking for the same qualities. My friend was saying how the guys she dates never listens to her and always just talks about themselves. I asked her if she listens to them and after a moments pause, she admitted that she doesn’t really listen that much either. “But only because they never listen to me!” she said. How sad would it be if you finally found a person who fit all of your qualities, but because you’d been so focused on what you wanted, you never realized that you have to be a person that they want too. They’d probably leave you wondering why they’re not calling anymore cuz they’re just not that into you.
To know your faults is a strength. To acknowledge them and want to consciously improve is an admirable trait. I asked some people what the worst trait a person could have and the most common response was selfishness. Imagine if you had a horrible day and wanted to call up your girlfriend/boyfriend to vent and instead of getting a listening ear, you get a “uh huh. That sucks baby. Oh guess what, the [insert story that has nothing to do with what you were saying here]” How frustrating is that? But we all do it, some more than others, some all the time without realizing it. And then you wonder why you’re breaking up when you’ve done ‘nothing’ wrong.
Your EGO has alot to do with it. When you’re so focused inwards and it’s always ME ME ME you tend to forget that there are other people involved . You forget that while you’re looking for the perfect qualities in someone else, that you have to show those qualities too. You can only rely on looks for so long and I’ve learnt that relationships based on physical attractions only last 2 and 3/4 months. Then you start to look deeper for something. We ended lunch today asking how do you look for your own faults when the majority of people seem to think they’re perfect and that they have no faults. Experience is the hard way to learn, but that usually involves stress, deflation of ego and heartache. The easy answer is to look and learn from other people experiences. It’s a bitch usually, that experience teaches you the lesson after you’ve had the test (and failed), but if you pay attention and learn from others, maybe you can save yourself from heartache. I’m definately learning from my friend today.
To trust or not to trust, that is the question. Whether it’s better or worse to give your trust away openly or make someone earn it. I had dinner with a friend recently and our conversation turned to relationships somehow. It was one of those 2 and a half hour “Woah the restaurant is closing already?” types of conversations that was both engaging and entertaining (I need more of those, dinner next week?). Not only relationships between boys and girls, but between yourself and everything. Wherever you are, you have a relationship with everything around you and that can change your mood and how you feel about your surroundings. Having a bad day? Go sit in the sun on the beach.
She asked me how I view people and give trust or interest, what makes me trust a person, what makes me interested in someone. I think I’m pretty easy going and I told her that I generally trust people right off the swing. I’m easy, it comes free. Maybe because when I was a kid I had no friends and I’ll take whatever I get (I was really good at swings on the playground because that was a solo sport. Who needs a push? Not me. Actually I did, but no one wanted to play with the little Chinese boy so I learned how to swing by myself.) or maybe because I’m a Leo and am just socially accepting, but whatever the reason is, I like to trust people and believe that they have a good core. She was the opposite. You have to earn her trust and earn her interest, she’s skeptical to new people. She said this was so that the people she eventually trusts, she knows she can trust them 100%.
P: But isn’t that kind of a waste of energy? It’s either 0 or 100%? You spend so much time wondering about a person, whether you can trust them or not, waiting for them to make a mistake against your trust. What if they don’t? So you basically assume that you can’t trust a person until they prove you wrong.
J: Yep! Cuz that way I won’t get hurt. If I trust them right away and they end up breaking my trust, that would hurt. If I’m interested in someone I need to know they’re trustworthy. I don’t know how long it takes, just a feeling of comfort that I can trust them! And there’s nothing wrong with assumptions of a person! If the assumptions are wrong, it’ll come up eventually.
P: Ok so, so far all of your assumptions of me have been wrong. So this whole time that you’ve assumed things against me and then seeing if they’re true, couldn’t that time and effort be better spent getting to know how I really am instead of starting on the negative end and then trying to work it’s way back to neutral?
J: No because if you started at neutral, the chances of being hurt are more if my assumptions turned out to be right. I’ve let you in and if you break that trust after I’ve let you in, then you’re an asshole.
Isn’t that kind of a waste of energy? You spend so much time wondering about a person, whether you can trust them or not, waiting for them to make a mistake against your trust. What if they don’t? Then you’ve wasted all that time being skeptical and negative, untrusting and fists up ready to fight. But I see her point. While she doesn’t trust easily, once she lets you in, you know you’re fully in even if it took a lot of “HA! I proved you wrong!” moments. I, however, really don’t believe in wasting energy wondering if a person is good and if I’m interested in someone I assume nothing about them just to protect myself. I raise my chin, bare my neck and hand you a razor. If you wanted to hurt me, you could. But once you do, there’s no way back in. I’m fickle that way and I’ve noticed that it doesn’t really take much to push me over and cut you from my inner circle. I guess while her trust is hard to earn, it’s easy to keep. Mine is easy to earn, but hard to stay.
P: So if your trust is that way, what if you’re interested in someone? Does it take a lot for you to be interested in someone?
J: Yeah it’s the same. I might be interested in someone, but it takes a lot for me to actually like them. Until they prove that they’re worthy of my liking! Then I fall head over heels. What about you?
P: I’m hella picky, but I think when you meet someone and open up to them, it’s so much easier to get to know them. There’s no preconceived assumptions, no ‘I heard this about them so I’m gonna be wary…’. Vancouver’s so small, everybody knows everybody and not everybody is going to like everybody so there’s always trash to be heard. What part is true? Who knows. I’ll find out for myself and the only way to do that is to start from neutral. I’m funny though, I know that I might be head over heels liking somebody but if they do something that makes me go “hmmm…wow…that’s…not cool.” I can switch directions faster than a starving lion chasing a 100 handicapped antelopes. I’m still friends with the person, but now that’s it. I’ll never ‘like’ them again. The bad thing is that this comes without warning sometimes…I can’t help how I feel, I just feel it.
J: How many times have you been hurt because you’d trusted someone too quick and they messed up? How many times have you been interested in someone only to have them turn out to be not the person you thought they’d be?
P: The number of times I’ve been hurt cuz my trust was broken are far fewer than the times where my openness was worth it. I think for every 20 people I trust, 1 turns out to be unworthy. So I deal with that 1 case when it comes up. But for you, you have to deal with all 20 and be wary of all 20 until they prove it. Wouldn’t only dealing with 1 when it actually happens, be a lot easier than dealing with 20 possibilities? What do you think?
In the end, her and I have the same end results so we agreed to disagree. The people that are really worthy of your attention will get it, but how they get there is different. In her words “I’ve been on a few dates lately, and there’s a lot of crap out there. Some guys just want you for your looks, some are bums with no futures, some are creeps and most are assholes.” And it’s true (applied to girls too!). I remember when I was younger, I thought that there was a huge selection of amazing people to meet and be friends with, start relationships with. As I got older and met everybody in Vancouver, I realized that while good people are everywhere, great people are hard to find. So if you know some great people, don’t let them go. There’s a lot less of them then you think.
Brace yourselves US of A. In the next 60 to 120 days…
Commercial mortgages are all coming due because of the 5 year amortization that businesses have (compared to the 25 years of residential) and their property value’s gone down. If you didn’t know, this is what happened to me and my Surrey condo. I bought the place as a presale investment and when October 2008 hit, my value dropped forcing me to make up the difference in value with cash or lose my downpayment and get sued because I didn’t close on my contract with the developer (or claim bankruptcy, which unfortunately is the only option a lot of homeowners in the states have been forced into. Foreclosures due to not being able to refinance their homes). A building that was worth 1million is now worth $750,000 so the companies have to cover the missing $250,000 in cash and if they can’t, they won’t get remortgaged and will either have to relocate or drop value from stocks to make up for the missing cash. 1 million is an example when corporate leases range anywhere between 10 million and 250 million. You can see where the issue comes in with numbers that high and value so low. Companies will either go bankrupt or get bought out; making more investors lose $$ and employees lose jobs.
60-120 days. Remember when President Obama made the US treasury ‘give’ the banks money so they could reloan out to small/medium sized businesses a few months back? But they held onto the money to save their own asses and balance their books instead of loaning it out. Now the contract is coming due and they HAVE to loan out the money now so smaller banks themselves are going to go bankrupt.
It a conspiracy! Guess who owns the US treasury? Not the government. While they say it’s a federal bank, it’s not. It’s privately owned. Eventually JP Morgan Chase is going to own every bank in the states and own all the titles to the commercial mortgages making them the one force that drives all the banking interest rates, dictating mortgage laws and controlling the United States market through their privately owned bank. *Flush* goes the USA as a powerhouse democratic country. Go Canada.
“ZEITGEIST: THE MOVIE” If you haven’t seen this yet, you have to watch it.
Days left until www.hotshotshockey.ca launch: 4
Days left before moving out of downtown: 6
Days left for Shin and Chucky: 16
Days left until a new chapter: 17
Days left until next FNH: 25