Ok a little disclaimer to all my nammer friends! Don’t come chop me because of what I’m about to say. You probably know it’s true too in the back of your mind. Even though I’m talking about your mom, I mean it in the most respectful manner. And it’s not your specific mom I’m talking about, I’m just generalizing. So yes, don’t kill me. (I’m moving anyways, so you don’t where I live anymore. HA!) No just kidding. I’m not taunting. Don’t kill me.
Number 6: Done Out Nammer Moms
I went out to Cactus this weekend and at the next table sat a Vietnamese mom and her 3 daughters. I’m a big fan of nammer girls as my buddys will tell you, something about the ‘I’ll kill you if you ever piss me off’ attitude mixed in with the ‘I’ll take care of you and make sure you’re happy’ combo. The complete killer psycho bitch and the caring motherly sweetheart, all mixed into one bowl of pho and spring roll combo. I don’t know, something about the attitude that gets me. But what I don’t get is the way they dress when they’re 50+ years old. Just like a 50+ year old man who wears his pants around his knees and a backwards baseball cap and leather jacket (*cough* Hoff), please dress appropriate to your age. No one wants to see your fake ricebowl implants surrounded by wrinkly skin and makeup painted on your face so heavily that in the morning you leave that face on your pillow. The mom at Cactus was more done out than all 3 of her teenage daughters! I love the bleached blonde hair too! Keep that up and by the time you’re 55, you’ll have to buy wigs cuz it’s all been peroxide’d dead clean. The most F’d up thing was one time I was at a club with my buddy one time and he was like “Hey my aunt is here, lets go drink with her.” I was thinking, maybe his young cousin’s mom who was in her early 20’s. But no, she was probably like 60 and decked out in skin tight Marciano tank, R&R skinny jeans and 5 inch stilettos. While my friend says it’s a hot look here, I think she meant for girls in their 20’s. I don’t know about you, but I’m traumatized enough when I run into my baby sister at the clubs. I’d probably hari kari myself if I saw my mom.
(Yes I know the picture isn’t of a Nammer Mom but hey, the shirt rocks)
When I was a kid, I didn’t fully learn English until I was in Grade 3. I was in ESL for the first few years of school because my parents didn’t speak English at home and no one was able to teach me so I didn’t talk much. Because of this I listened alot, observed everything. I’m a pretty good listener today so alot of my friends come and tell me things. They get someone to talk to and I get to learn from everyones experiences, so it’s a pretty good trade off.
Today was a pretty chill Sunday. I ran around like a crazy, high-strung crack head yesterday trying to get everything done and was late for all of my appointments so to be able to slow it down today was a good change. (I was ready to crack yesterday.) A sunny patio lunch at Granville Island with my friend turned into another learning experience. We’re always looking for the right person, the one that makes us laugh, listens to us (actually listens instead of just asking and responding by changing the topic), tries the things that we like to do, and so on. But while we’re always focused inwards on what we want, what about focusing outwards? How many of the qualities that we look for in the other person are we actually lacking ourselves? Imagine you were the other person and both of you were looking for the same qualities. My friend was saying how the guys she dates never listens to her and always just talks about themselves. I asked her if she listens to them and after a moments pause, she admitted that she doesn’t really listen that much either. “But only because they never listen to me!” she said. How sad would it be if you finally found a person who fit all of your qualities, but because you’d been so focused on what you wanted, you never realized that you have to be a person that they want too. They’d probably leave you wondering why they’re not calling anymore cuz they’re just not that into you.
To know your faults is a strength. To acknowledge them and want to consciously improve is an admirable trait. I asked some people what the worst trait a person could have and the most common response was selfishness. Imagine if you had a horrible day and wanted to call up your girlfriend/boyfriend to vent and instead of getting a listening ear, you get a “uh huh. That sucks baby. Oh guess what, the [insert story that has nothing to do with what you were saying here]” How frustrating is that? But we all do it, some more than others, some all the time without realizing it. And then you wonder why you’re breaking up when you’ve done ‘nothing’ wrong.
Your EGO has alot to do with it. When you’re so focused inwards and it’s always ME ME ME you tend to forget that there are other people involved . You forget that while you’re looking for the perfect qualities in someone else, that you have to show those qualities too. You can only rely on looks for so long and I’ve learnt that relationships based on physical attractions only last 2 and 3/4 months. Then you start to look deeper for something. We ended lunch today asking how do you look for your own faults when the majority of people seem to think they’re perfect and that they have no faults. Experience is the hard way to learn, but that usually involves stress, deflation of ego and heartache. The easy answer is to look and learn from other people experiences. It’s a bitch usually, that experience teaches you the lesson after you’ve had the test (and failed), but if you pay attention and learn from others, maybe you can save yourself from heartache. I’m definately learning from my friend today.
To trust or not to trust, that is the question. Whether it’s better or worse to give your trust away openly or make someone earn it. I had dinner with a friend recently and our conversation turned to relationships somehow. It was one of those 2 and a half hour “Woah the restaurant is closing already?” types of conversations that was both engaging and entertaining (I need more of those, dinner next week?). Not only relationships between boys and girls, but between yourself and everything. Wherever you are, you have a relationship with everything around you and that can change your mood and how you feel about your surroundings. Having a bad day? Go sit in the sun on the beach.
She asked me how I view people and give trust or interest, what makes me trust a person, what makes me interested in someone. I think I’m pretty easy going and I told her that I generally trust people right off the swing. I’m easy, it comes free. Maybe because when I was a kid I had no friends and I’ll take whatever I get (I was really good at swings on the playground because that was a solo sport. Who needs a push? Not me. Actually I did, but no one wanted to play with the little Chinese boy so I learned how to swing by myself.) or maybe because I’m a Leo and am just socially accepting, but whatever the reason is, I like to trust people and believe that they have a good core. She was the opposite. You have to earn her trust and earn her interest, she’s skeptical to new people. She said this was so that the people she eventually trusts, she knows she can trust them 100%.
P: But isn’t that kind of a waste of energy? It’s either 0 or 100%? You spend so much time wondering about a person, whether you can trust them or not, waiting for them to make a mistake against your trust. What if they don’t? So you basically assume that you can’t trust a person until they prove you wrong.
J: Yep! Cuz that way I won’t get hurt. If I trust them right away and they end up breaking my trust, that would hurt. If I’m interested in someone I need to know they’re trustworthy. I don’t know how long it takes, just a feeling of comfort that I can trust them! And there’s nothing wrong with assumptions of a person! If the assumptions are wrong, it’ll come up eventually.
P: Ok so, so far all of your assumptions of me have been wrong. So this whole time that you’ve assumed things against me and then seeing if they’re true, couldn’t that time and effort be better spent getting to know how I really am instead of starting on the negative end and then trying to work it’s way back to neutral?
J: No because if you started at neutral, the chances of being hurt are more if my assumptions turned out to be right. I’ve let you in and if you break that trust after I’ve let you in, then you’re an asshole.
Isn’t that kind of a waste of energy? You spend so much time wondering about a person, whether you can trust them or not, waiting for them to make a mistake against your trust. What if they don’t? Then you’ve wasted all that time being skeptical and negative, untrusting and fists up ready to fight. But I see her point. While she doesn’t trust easily, once she lets you in, you know you’re fully in even if it took a lot of “HA! I proved you wrong!” moments. I, however, really don’t believe in wasting energy wondering if a person is good and if I’m interested in someone I assume nothing about them just to protect myself. I raise my chin, bare my neck and hand you a razor. If you wanted to hurt me, you could. But once you do, there’s no way back in. I’m fickle that way and I’ve noticed that it doesn’t really take much to push me over and cut you from my inner circle. I guess while her trust is hard to earn, it’s easy to keep. Mine is easy to earn, but hard to stay.
P: So if your trust is that way, what if you’re interested in someone? Does it take a lot for you to be interested in someone?
J: Yeah it’s the same. I might be interested in someone, but it takes a lot for me to actually like them. Until they prove that they’re worthy of my liking! Then I fall head over heels. What about you?
P: I’m hella picky, but I think when you meet someone and open up to them, it’s so much easier to get to know them. There’s no preconceived assumptions, no ‘I heard this about them so I’m gonna be wary…’. Vancouver’s so small, everybody knows everybody and not everybody is going to like everybody so there’s always trash to be heard. What part is true? Who knows. I’ll find out for myself and the only way to do that is to start from neutral. I’m funny though, I know that I might be head over heels liking somebody but if they do something that makes me go “hmmm…wow…that’s…not cool.” I can switch directions faster than a starving lion chasing a 100 handicapped antelopes. I’m still friends with the person, but now that’s it. I’ll never ‘like’ them again. The bad thing is that this comes without warning sometimes…I can’t help how I feel, I just feel it.
J: How many times have you been hurt because you’d trusted someone too quick and they messed up? How many times have you been interested in someone only to have them turn out to be not the person you thought they’d be?
P: The number of times I’ve been hurt cuz my trust was broken are far fewer than the times where my openness was worth it. I think for every 20 people I trust, 1 turns out to be unworthy. So I deal with that 1 case when it comes up. But for you, you have to deal with all 20 and be wary of all 20 until they prove it. Wouldn’t only dealing with 1 when it actually happens, be a lot easier than dealing with 20 possibilities? What do you think?
In the end, her and I have the same end results so we agreed to disagree. The people that are really worthy of your attention will get it, but how they get there is different. In her words “I’ve been on a few dates lately, and there’s a lot of crap out there. Some guys just want you for your looks, some are bums with no futures, some are creeps and most are assholes.” And it’s true (applied to girls too!). I remember when I was younger, I thought that there was a huge selection of amazing people to meet and be friends with, start relationships with. As I got older and met everybody in Vancouver, I realized that while good people are everywhere, great people are hard to find. So if you know some great people, don’t let them go. There’s a lot less of them then you think.
Brace yourselves US of A. In the next 60 to 120 days…
Commercial mortgages are all coming due because of the 5 year amortization that businesses have (compared to the 25 years of residential) and their property value’s gone down. If you didn’t know, this is what happened to me and my Surrey condo. I bought the place as a presale investment and when October 2008 hit, my value dropped forcing me to make up the difference in value with cash or lose my downpayment and get sued because I didn’t close on my contract with the developer (or claim bankruptcy, which unfortunately is the only option a lot of homeowners in the states have been forced into. Foreclosures due to not being able to refinance their homes). A building that was worth 1million is now worth $750,000 so the companies have to cover the missing $250,000 in cash and if they can’t, they won’t get remortgaged and will either have to relocate or drop value from stocks to make up for the missing cash. 1 million is an example when corporate leases range anywhere between 10 million and 250 million. You can see where the issue comes in with numbers that high and value so low. Companies will either go bankrupt or get bought out; making more investors lose $$ and employees lose jobs.
60-120 days. Remember when President Obama made the US treasury ‘give’ the banks money so they could reloan out to small/medium sized businesses a few months back? But they held onto the money to save their own asses and balance their books instead of loaning it out. Now the contract is coming due and they HAVE to loan out the money now so smaller banks themselves are going to go bankrupt.
It a conspiracy! Guess who owns the US treasury? Not the government. While they say it’s a federal bank, it’s not. It’s privately owned. Eventually JP Morgan Chase is going to own every bank in the states and own all the titles to the commercial mortgages making them the one force that drives all the banking interest rates, dictating mortgage laws and controlling the United States market through their privately owned bank. *Flush* goes the USA as a powerhouse democratic country. Go Canada.
“ZEITGEIST: THE MOVIE” If you haven’t seen this yet, you have to watch it.
Days left until www.hotshotshockey.ca launch: 4
Days left before moving out of downtown: 6
Days left for Shin and Chucky: 16
Days left until a new chapter: 17
Days left until next FNH: 25
Why do we bother to do anything sometimes? The human peoples, hell, every living thing on the planet is programmed to do as much as they can to survive. Our ancestors (the cavemen, the mountain people, the jungle monkeys and yes, even the hobbits) trekked across dry, sandy desserts battling dehydration. They pushed their way through the thick undergrowth of rainforests, chancing death if bitten by a poisonous snake or giant purple-spotted spider. Risking survival, they hunted for food. It was a catch 22 though, to risk your life for something that sustains it.
But why do we bother now?
Realistically, all we need is a minimum wage paying job that gets us nourished enough to survive and we don’t have to stomp spiders or play in the sandbox to do so. There is no danger to our lives and we don’t have to hunt for our food.
Though, somewhere between then and now came passion. Somebody along the way decided that simply waking up, hunting, eating, and sleeping wasn’t enough and wanted to actually like what they were doing, and enjoy who they were around. I think as great as that sounds, it actually kind of complicates things a bit when you throw emotions into logic.
When I was in university, I had a filmmaking class where we made a documentary. Mine was about female DJ’s and I’d sat up at SFU one night editing my film. It had to be just right, with all the pieces in place in the right order. Feeling a little tired, I looked at the time and it was about 5:30 in the morning. I’d been in the little room for over 8 hours editing but I didn’t feel it because I was so entrenched in the work. I remember thinking ‘I want to find a job like this when I graduate, where I can work non-stop and still want to keep working because I love it so much’. That one thought has haunted me my whole professional tenure and I think unless I start something myself, I’m never going to find a job that I care enough about that there’s not enough hours in the day to spend on it. There’s a lot to be said when you can be doing something and be completely lost in it and time doesn’t exist.
I always think business and relationships play the same card. You can always replace one with the other in theory. Who you spend your time with and how that time passes and what you put in and get out of it share the same game in both. If your boss hovers over you sipping his coffee mug saying “I need you to come in on Saturday mmmkay?” instead of recognizing that you knocked your quota off charts or your bf/gf is so self-absorbed that they only talk about themselves all day and doesn’t support anything you do, you’re underappreciated in both and how can you have passion when you’re not appreciated? On the flip side, how many of you have sat in restaurants with your bf/gf’s and they’ve cleared your dinner plates, cleared your dessert plates, the folder with your bill inside it is sitting on the table and they’ve just said last call to make you realize that you’d sat there for 3 hours talking to each other about everything without a pause in the conversation. You could go on for another 3 hours because it’d only felt like 30 minutes but the restaurant is closing now so you have to go. I’ve experienced both; being up at school for 8 hours and at the table for 3 and in the end, the feeling of contented passion were both there.
Where the complication comes in is that now you always want the best out there. The managerial role that comes with the corner office and the high salary. The perfect girl who laughs at all your awesome jokes and takes care of you when you’re sick. ‘Settling’ is a thing of the past and if you settle, you lack passion, straight and simple. The danger in that is that you might always be chasing a dream, never happy in the present because you’re always wanting more, the best, and right now isn’t the best so you’re not content. That’s the risk that we face. While our ancestors risked their existing lives because they needed to survive, we risk our existing happiness for the need of passion. I think the risk is worth facing. Somebody has to do it, why not you? Why not me? That corner office needs somebody to sit in it, so why not you? The business needs to be started, who’s going to do it? That cute girl who has 5 other guys chasing her, she’s not going to be alone for the rest of her life. Why not you? Sure you risk being shot down, but if you’re passionate enough about it, the risk is worth taking and if you’re the perfect person for the role, you’ll get it.
It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood, A beautiful day for a neighbor,
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you,
I’ve always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.
So let’s make the most of this beautiful day, Since we’re together, we might as well say,
Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won’t you be my neighbor?
Even when I was a little kid, I never watched this show. Mr. Rogers, sitting there, singing his song, asking for strangers to be his neighbor. It was kind of emo in a way, this middle aged man with grey hairs sitting by himself, tying up his shoes, crooning about how nice of a day it is to have a neighbor like me. I don’t know about you, but if my neighbor sat there singing to my (yet non-existant) kids about being “being mine”, I’d have to nail his doors and windows shut and burn his house down with him still inside. Then he wouldn’t think it’s such a beautiful day to have a neighbor just like me. Though the topper to Mr. Rogers that made him so wrong was his cardigan sweaters. It wasn’t a good look in the 80’s and it’s not a good look now.
Number 7: Button up tight Cardigan Sweaters
There’s a few times where this looks good but many times when it doesnt. It’s great for when you’re in the office, around the home and lazing around keeping warm and cozy. But anywhere else it’s just a boring look. It screams “I’M BORING…and lazy so I just put on a shirt with a cardigan sweater on top.” I’m not talking about the stylish ones, only the button up tight ones. They remind me of properness, prep school, uptight and should be paired with horn-rimmed glasses and a beehive hairdo. I even see kids wearing them and thats not ok for any age. If you dress your kids in cardigan sweaters and they go to school and get beat up, it’s your fault. If Mr. Rogers sees your kid, he’ll say “wow that kid dresses like me so I’m going to kidnap them and make them mine.” Again, your fault. Don’t do it, don’t be mean to your kids. Those kids will grow up to be adults and continue to wear cardigan sweaters and the loop continues. End the insanity now. Look this lady even got arrested for wearing a cardigan sweater and thats the way it should be…illegal.