My biff Bonnie sent me this list today. I was reading through this and realized…”Hey, these are my thoughts! wth…” So I came to the conculsion that either she’s a mind reader and has been poking around in my subconscious or these random thoughts are shared by everybody. Though the first option seems more plausible, maybe other people have little moments too.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think
about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going
in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?
But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from
which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or
phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no
one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching
directions on the sidewalk.
-I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know”
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to
be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix
the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to
fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just
figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
– LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to
– Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I
hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
– How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and
smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
– I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
– Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot.
Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s
G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”
– While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and i nstinctively
swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
– Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person
-I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
– Bad decisions make good stories
– Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t
want to have to restart my collection.
-There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.
– “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t
watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone
and run away?
– I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
– As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit. — THE ANSWER IS YES!!