Vancouverites Suck

I was born and raised in Vancouver, a true Vancouverite by nature. I drink beer, I play hockey and love the outdoors. I run the seawall, hike the Grouse Grind and never miss a Canucks game if I can help it. I wear jeans and a hoody to my office job (My CEO wears shorts and sandals all year), live and play in Yaletown and you can always find me on a beach or park when it’s nice out.

I’m also cliquey, a little stuck up, too quick to judge and have been told I’m a little unapproachable. I will be guilty of not remembering your name or face until I’ve met you 3 times, not because my memory sucks (although it does) but because I don’t bother trying. Unfortunately, that is the entire culture of Vancouverites as we are seen looking from the outside in.

For those of us lucky enough to be immersed into this environment at an early age, we gain and build solid friendships with those like us. For those who have moved into Vancouver from other cities, even ones in the vicinity like Abbotsford or Victoria, it becomes an almost impossible task to build that foundation of friends, especially if you’re starting fresh with no introductions or ties into any groups. And that’s just with the same sex. It’s even harder with the opposite.

All together, yet seperated.

When you look at trying to meet Vancouver women, I find mostly that one of the first things that they’ll ponder is “who do you know.” It’s almost a social status contest, where if you don’t know anybody in this town, it’s like you’re nobody. And if you’re somebody, they’ll date you for just who you are known as, without really caring much or putting much weight on who you actually are. You’ll only meet them if you’re a friend of a friend. Vancouver girls are especially guilty of this in my experience. I have a lot of single girl friends, older (between the ages of 26 and 30) most successful, beautiful, driven and ambitious, knows what they want and aren’t afraid to go get it. But they’re all single. It’s not that they can’t meet guys, they have plenty of suitors knocking on their doors, but then after a little while, all the guys start running, scared. These girls are intimidating. They know their worth and they portray that persona, or even worse, they think they’re something that they’re not and try to portray a false persona. As one of them said to me one time, “I can do everything myself. I pay my own rent, I bought my own BMW, and I work my ass off for everything that I have. I don’t need a man, I just want one.” Now, guys, what do you do when you meet a girl like this? You run. It’s great that you’re independent, and it’s amazing that you are driven and a go-getter. Girl power all the way, woo. The one important piece that you’re forgetting is that Men NEED to be Men. (Ok SOME men do. There will always be the standard deviation.) We like to be needed sometimes, we like it that sometimes, you’re helpless and call us to save you. Let us be the Knight we’ve all grown up hearing about. We like to play that role that we were born to play, so when you start messing around with the dynamics, we get lost and we run. We do this because you will continually remind us that we are not needed, because we see that you will flaunt your independence and self-sustainability in front of our faces. I’m in no means saying to be wholly dependent either, but I know a few girls who completely over-do it. We know that you will continually judge us, talk about us to your girlfriends and complain how there’s no ‘good guys in town’. We know that if there’s a problem, your first reaction will be to fight back and argue to gain your ego as opposed to looking inwards to see what the problem really is. Chivalry isn’t dead, he just high tailed and left because you flaunt your disdain for him.

When a new guy approaches you, your first reaction will be “I not talking to him. He can’t pick me up. I’m not that easy. What a creep. I can’t believe he even had the audacity to say hi to me.” As opposed to “seems like a normal guy, let’s just chat with him to see what kind of person he is.” Most of the time, I talk to random strangers just to incite some sort of human interaction, whether it’s a girl or guy, old or young, I have no interest in dating you, I just want to pass my life on earth interacting with interesting people when I’m out. But Vancouverites seem to think that every interaction is a door to something that they want no part of, even before they know what’s behind that door. My friends just told me a story, that her and her girl friends go out all the time for drinks, dressed to the 9’s. New outfit, new shoes, hair did and all. Then she tells me they go to a lounge in yaletown and just bitch about how there’s no guys around. I asked her “was it all girls in the lounge?” she said “no, but all the guys there look weird so we didn’t bother.” That’s a common response, a common Vancouver answer. Girls if you want to find a decent guy, you’ll need to strike out a few times. Some WILL be weird. I apologize on behalf of the male sex that not many of us are normal, actually, none of us are. But none of you are either, so we’re fair on that one. Not everyone’s for you, but you’ll never know until you step up to bat.

I visited Toronto a few years back, and I was shocked at the difference in culture on the East coast. I was at a club with 3 of my girl friends and we were standing by the bar, bobbing our heads and enjoying the music. They were flanking me, on either side. In Vancouver, you can bet no one would come talk to me, especially other girls. I mean, which Vancouver girl would walk up to one guy with 3 girls? None. But in Toronto, I was approached by multiple people, guys and girls, who had no other ulterior motive than to chat with me, learn about where I was from (apparently I ‘stood and dressed like an out-of-towner’…it was probably my snobby Vancouver attitude.) and just to know another human being. It didn’t matter if I looked weird, and it didn’t matter if they were 5’s or 9’s. It was infinitely refreshing and I’ve tried to bring that attitude back home to Vancouver. The girls weren’t trying to hook up with me and none of the guys were staring me down. It was just a friendly, open and inviting conversation. One of the girls who came up to me eventually pulled her boyfriend over to meet me, and after a conversation around the Canucks and the Leafs, he bought us a round of shots. I was shocked! That’s what being a Canadian is all about, but in Vancouver, we’ve somehow forgotten that Northern hospitality that we’re so greatly known for around the world. I can say that I’ve had similar experiences in Chicago, Los Angeles, Sydney, Hong Kong and Hawaii and I’d love to see it here at home.

 

Change has to start somewhere. This is a cultural issue that every Vancouverite is aware of, but yet nobody does anything about. Start the change today. Make a point to talk to a random stranger, young or old, man or woman, if even something as short as saying hello on the skytrain, and maybe in time, we can make a shift in how we interact with each other in this cold, rainy, dark city. We’re alone and locked inside for the majority of the year but wouldn’t it be nice if when we were all together in a social place, that we are actually social? At best, you’ll gain great new friends like I have with my buddys from Abbotsford and Victoria. At worst, you’ll get a weird look. Screw those people anyways. What have you got to lose. Let’s start not sucking.

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10 responses to “Vancouverites Suck

  1. There are a lot of women around my area (DC/VA/MD metro area) that do the same thing as in Vancouver. Women try too hard to be strong/independent but men do need (AND LOVE!) being men and taking care of us females sometime. The women who do this have a lot of “defense mechanisms” going on.

    Some girls come up to me and complain about being single and say they are “intimidating” and that’s why guys don’t want to date them. I usually have to gently break it to them that yes, they are intimidating but not in a good way and it might help to try and just be a nice sweet girl for once. Stop being a manly bitch (to put it bluntly)

  2. Wishful thinking for Vancouver to be hospitable like the east. Vancouver is a beautiful city by has a lot of ugly souls in it. There is too many socially stupid people that think being snooty is a trend and an in thing. I do not get it or understand why because it is in all age groups and all income brackets. Vancouver needs to go to church and read the bible and must stop looking down on others. Vancouver becomes a suppressing place to be living and makes you want to look for another place to live.

  3. I’ve been in Vancouver for 6 months now, at first I though ” yeah, they probably don’t like immigrants that much “, but after a while I figure it out, it is actually a problem even within locals.

    I don’t really know what to think, I don’t like to rush a judgement, but last time I manage to somehow talk to a girl in a bar, after a cold see ya, I ran to ask her was what the problem? Am I to brown? Do I look weird? – I mean I haven’t had such a hard time dating women in Barcelona, London or LA.. places a lived prior to Vancouver…

    She just told me, “if a girl is not attracted to you she wont talk to you, its the same all over the word” – I don’t know if you guys see the problem here! first, I don’t think she has left Vancouver ever, Second: so can’t men/women actually have a normal relationship now!?, we can’t talk, be friends, share a conversation or a drink if you are not a “Reproduction prospect” Isn’t that objectification of women?

    It just seems crazy to me, I have good girl friends.. I mean FRIENDS I have had no intimate relations with them and yet they are valuable interesting people in my life, how is that bad?.

    Most relations I have in Vancouver so far resembles this mindset, you become friends because a mutual interest: business, professional or social position, if such interest is not present: “There is no point in friendship, robot must turn right, important maters in hand”

    I don’t know if there is a connection here, but Seattle, SF and Vancouver are Tech / software power houses, having being in the 3 before, I found kind of the same behavior, tech is cool and all, but common we ain’t iPhones yet.. chill a bit, explore your human side.

  4. Whow ! Pi your article really punch me in the face !
    I’m planning to move to Vancouver from France around April 2013, I already now the place as I come 2 times years ago but not long enough to feel that !

    Now I’m really worried about it as my goal is to “immigrate” and settle there because I really love the place but if people are like you describe, who that’s really suck !

    I lived in Lyon and I met many travelers, exchange students, new in town people, we usualy met at bar or club party together sometime it last the night, sometime we call us back become friends.

    I expect that would be the same or even better in “so called” multi-ethnic city / build by immigrant city as Vancouver !

    Plus a fellow just retuning from 1 year in Van told that I will be mostly make friends with foreign immigrant like me than “true” Vancouverites, my hope to find the best place on earth to start a newlife as fallen quite hard ! 🙂

  5. Not only that, but Vancouver sucks for weather too. It’s depressing – the clouds & rain. I’ve lived here all my life – a true Vancouverite. If I wasn’t obligated to stay in this town due to personal obligations, I’d leave in a heartbeat. This town is full of shallow people, unfriendly people, cliquey people – and not only that, it’s way more expensive than any other city in Canada. People think Vancouver is cosmopolitan – but that whole wave of “Vancouver is the most beautiful city in the world” died pretty quickly. The facts are, Vancouver is not cosmopolitan. Vancouver is not the center of anything – except for immigration maybe. And even that, there are tons of people from abroad who buy real estate here and don’t even live in the homes they buy! There are many, MANY more beautiful and fun cities to live in the world. I wouldn’t pick Vancouver.

  6. I left Vancouver after seven years, it’s socially cold, depressing and unfriendly. Everytime I’ve visited countries in Europe, South America and parts of the U.S., I have met nice, attractive women that are a pleasure to talk to, hang out with and more :).

    In Vancouver it’s extremely hard to meet new people, especially women and I’m a tall professional with plenty of money and told often I’m attractive, but it doesn’t matter in Vancouver. I get asked “what part of the city do you live in, what do you drive and where do you work” in the first five minutes. Complete turnoff. Turned me off so much I moved and have made more friends and met more people in three months than I did in seven years in Vancouver! I don’t miss it at all and plan to never return.

  7. Not only the Vancouver women that were born there, the city changes the newly arrived women too. I moved there with my girlfriend of 9 YEARS who comes originally from Poland. After 1 year living in Vancouver, this girl changed completely. She was going to school at UBC and all her friends were white and feminists. I am a brown guy from Sri Lanka, and all her friends kept asking her what was she doing with a “broke ass brown” guy. At the beginning she was outraged at the city but in time she became like them. She started watching TV shows like Sex & the City. She started complaining about our lack of money. One day she said that I should take a deep look at myself because my attitude is oppressive towards women. She left me a few months after this comment. I cried and told her not to leave me but she was completely cruel. Her eyes were so cold, I will never forget how they saw me, like if I was inferior, as if she was better than me. This girl was so poor and lonely when she met me and I helped her and now she left me for a bunch of feminist unrealistic ideas. But it all happened in Vancouver, before moving there she loved me, and told me how great I was all the time.

    Don’t worry about me guys, today I look back and I thank God she left me because she didn’t deserve me. But I never forgot how that city changed her. I moved away and it’s all better now. I’m never going back there my friends.

    Never!

  8. My girlfriend and I moved to Vancouver recently, and you are spot on with what you’ve mentioned. We drew up similar conclusions, and its reassuring to have read your blog. Its kind of funny how a environmentally beautiful city and also be “plastic”. Perhaps it does make somewhat sense. I’m sure those that are Vancouver native realize that they are the envy of the rest of Canada because of the warmer climate, and just hate on those that are exports to the city? Perhaps all of that extend to the attitudes of some? It sounds silly, but the behavior is an anomaly.

    I find that being the one to initiate helps. People just need to loosen up and get with the rest of North America, and just act out

  9. Hi I’m Miles I’m a single white male I grew up in Vancouver and I’m having one tuff time meeting girls I work for a pizza shop in Van holding a sign I see girls walking by me every day and they never say hi even if I do they give dirty looks or ignor me I’m so sick of this crap Can’t I just get noticed by girls it makes me so mad I don’t like snobs even when I dress nice they still don’t notice me maybe some girls that will read this will know who I am.

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